her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
