Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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