dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
