Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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