someone threw a dead crab at me
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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