I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
