Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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