The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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