marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
