Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
