you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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