ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
