I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
