If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
