I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Randomize
