you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
