just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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