I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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