Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
