I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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