Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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