do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
