so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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