well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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