Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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