I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
