So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
