dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
