We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When are your genitals available?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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