Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
