Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
