we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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