Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
