I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
