Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
