yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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