you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
