ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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