I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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