my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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