I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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