Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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