i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
