she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
