i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
