Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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