I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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