Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
