I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
