Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
