I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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