when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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