I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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