I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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